Yesterday I went on 2 more tours of memory care facilities, both in Sonoma County

I hope you don’t mind coming along with me as I process this, its an important part of the journey

One of the communities was associated with a larger complex, including independent living, the other was strickly memory care

Many times families are in a moment of crises trying to find the right place for their loved one

It comes after a fall or an infection that leads to a hospital visit, time in a rehab facility and upon exit, they are told going home isn’t a recommended option

One friend of mine had literally 2 days to make that important decision! Talk about stress!

We are not in that place of urgency, but in a better, more proactive space

I like to say we are “ready” to make a decision, to make a move, but we are not “urgent” need to do that, if that makes any sense

So what I am starting to summarize, conclude, assume…. as I look at the various options that I have been introduced to are a few things that I want for Matt (beyond must haves which I won’t list which include good food and adequate staffing):

• “wander” space–enough area to walk around so that he feels he isn’t caged in
• indoor/outdoor space of significance–certainly not access to Mt Tam, but enough of a natural setting he gets fresh air and has the freedom to walk outside
• a community of people that has some of the same abilities as he does, not one that is primarily in wheelchairs–it would be wonderful if he wasn’t the youngest by 10 or 20 years
• an environment that is already set up to tolerate his utlization behavior–tendancy to want to touch and move things he sees
• Sheba acceptance and visitation rights

These listed “wants” rule out half the places I’ve seen, the ones with folks at the tail in of life…..that’s not a good fit for Matt at this moment in his life

Several of the places are not much more than a hallway and a small outdoor space, so that doesn’t feel like a good fit either–he’d feel caged

The homes that I am leaning towards seem to have a “donut” style floorplan……in the middle of the donut is an outdoor space, the outside of the donut has the rooms, community spaces, dining area, smaller sitting spaces, different activity zones

I am leaning towards this because that would allow him to wander and wander and wander, round and round

Even in my visits, I didn’t realize I was back where I started until I was queued where the exit door was

There are 3 facilities that are laid out in that manner, one is associated with a broader community that includes independent living and two are strickly memory care focused

Our consultants are guiding us to the memory care focused because they specialize in memory care, that’s all they do

This is just the first layer of investigation, much more due diligence is needed, including talking with family members about where these facilities are and how that may affect their ability to visit

Tied up in this is what’s next for me too

If we are paying for Matt to be in a facility, it doesn’t make sense to maintain a home the size of what we have right now

But then….what will Sheba and I need to be happy? We haven’t lived without Matt in a very very very long time….so what will that look like?

Both pieces of the equation are equally hard….so I don’t want to tackle them at the same time

First is making the right decision for Matt, executing that plan, then, once the dust settles, it will be time for me to focus on Sheba and me–atleast that’s my current strategy

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