Fleetwood Mac recorded a song called Landslide way back when

It came up as background music as I was doing a ride on my Peleton last week

This song has been haunting me, a certain section of the lyrics grabbed me and hasn’t let go since then

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing

“Cause I’ve built my life around you

But time makes you bolder

Even children get older

And I’m getting older too

That’s the section that grabbed me, hasn’t let me go, I relate to it so purely, so completely

The 3rd line, life makes you bolder, I feel is so true, life is forcing me to make bold decisions on my own, about Matt’s care, and I can’t effectively talk to him about it–I have to be bold

The last line is unfortunately true as well and there ain’t jack diddly I can do about that either!

I dug deeper into the full lyrics, looking for something more within

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

This so feels like it all reflects me, now, sings the ache of my heart, my mind wondering if I can do this part

Can I continue to sustain this, this life, the daily challenges, the unknowing, uncertainty, the hard decisions we face, will continue to face?

Can I make it through this very very hard decision process to keep him home or find another place for him?

What’s ahead for us? Why are we here?

Why was the vision of our lives destroyed so completely? He expected his eyes to fail, my ears were already failing, I would see, he would hear……we would move into old age as one complete package, able to support each other through our own failing parts

Oh, take my love, take it down

Oh, climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Well the landslide will bring it down

This is the section that swells my eyes, because you know there will be a landslide, one that will bring us down completely, that final destruction

As if this journey isn’t hard enough as it is, Uncle Lewy will ultimately win, he will push that hillside so and a landslide will come down on us

There will be only one left standing

This I can’t change, but perhaps I can prepare my heart by seeing into the future a little, start applying a bit of numbing salve, or mentally shop for a flying squirrel suit to be ready for the cliff that will come

Its so amazing when a song connects, the power of music

I looked to see if they recorded this song at The Plant in Sausalito, but it was recorded in an LA studio

Fleetwood did record their infamous Rumors album in Sausalito

It would have been too much, too crazy if they had recorded Landslide at the foot of the hill I lived for over 25 years…..

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