These are the super cool peeps of Ohana Wa’a, the group I paddle with on the Napa river during the week

Saturday we participated in the Alcatraz Challenge which left from Chrissy Field, went clockwise around Alcatraz and then returned to the beach at Chrissy

It was a classic San Francisco summer day

Karl the Fog was in town, there was 1 foot chop on the water, current was strong, wind was blowing a bit

Temps were chilly….

Air temp was such that it made the water temp feel warm! That’s saying something

Over 300 people were spread out on the beach as the event began

As I think about what I want to say about being there, participating in this, I can’t help but feel there is a message here for anyone who is struggling in a similar journey to me, there is an important message I need to remember for myself

I can’t begin to describe how amazing it felt to be there, to participate, to think of nothing but being in that moment, with those people, at that place

Matt was safe, he was comfortable, he was home, a caregiver was with him to make sure he had all that he needed, that he stayed safe and comfortable while I took this time for me

This was for me, this helped me feel alive

This made me feel like me, not the wife turned caregiver with a million worries

In between races I loved the chance to talk with my team mates, learn more about them, share our experience of the moment, find commonalities

Like Julie, both her boys are going to school at UVA, now!

She used to live in Cape Charles Virginia and knows Tammy Greene who I went to K-12 with

Sue is a widow who lost her husband suddenly, like we lost my dad, we talked about her journey, what she felt, where she is now

Chris and his wife have a sailboat docked at pier 39 which they bought in the last few years

We talked about our favorite sailing route through the bay, the same route Matt & I used to sail with Tom back in the day

The race itself was 45 intense minutes of paddling

My role in the boat was a step up from what my role was in Monterey during my first open water regatta

I have to say I loved it, every challenging minute of it

Seat 3, the seat I was in, calls the switch on sides the team of 6 is paddling (the above is our boat, but in the 2nd race which had different team members)

While the person in seat 6 is the one in charge of the boat overall, the steersman, the boss, seat 3 is an active partner with the boss

Josh, our boss, and I chatted before the race, discussing a bit of team race strategy

I needed to know more about the power invested in me, in seat 3

It’s a seat that not only calls the paddle side changes, but also can call encouragement or for a push, or as we say “power 10’s”

Power 10’s are where everyone steps up the effort for 10 strokes on each side, we do this 4 times, so twice on each side before we go back to a long and strong sustainable race pace

When we do this, we can increase speed and use it to pass a competitor boat

I got fully into the role, calling out many power 10’s

I called out encouragement to the team, quick reminders on paddle form, “leave it all on the water” at the end as we approached the finish

The best part was very close to the finish line, a Capital Outrigger boat was trying to pass us, beat us to the line

“Don’t let them pass us” I yelled…the team agreed, dug deeper, we beat them over the line!

As we crossed the finish line, the adrenaline rush was amazing! Absolutely amazing

Our boat, given the name some how of “Ohana Break Out Crew” (maybe as a nod to Alcatraz), came in 2nd place in our class! Overall we were the 20th boat to cross the finish line (of 37 boats)

The Ohana Wa’a team boats are heavier, more classic outriggers, not these fancy easy to break expensive boats many SF Bay clubs have

We are old school and old school rocked The Rock

So the message that is rolling around in my head is how utterly transformative it was to claim this moment for myself

My moments of pure joy, exhilaration, of being me in the purest form

It’s way too easy on this journey to play in the backwash of the wave of this

To feel swept under, unable to get enough air to feel human, to even know what being yourself feels like anymore

Matt will benefit from me taking care of me, being me for a time, so this is not selfish

For doing something that makes me feel I am riding the wave, in control, not being tossed around like a rag doll in the back wash, loosing all semblance of my life in the process of him loosing his

I can’t live his life, he can’t live mine, Uncle Lewy only has so much power, there is no need to give him more power than he deserves, there is no need to give him power over my life

Let me say that again: there is no need to give Uncle Lewy power over my life!

We are dealing as best we can with what is

I am telling you, my gas tanks got filled up by doing this, and it’s so much better of a place to be than having gas tanks wanting of fuel, so much better

I need to remember this

That’s the message whirling around in my brain…..I hope it enables someone else to find their thing, their way back to being who they are, reignite their spark, I hope I can reread this in the future when I feel crushed by this journey (and it will happen) and get back on top of the wave

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