This continues the saga of switching from the pill version of an RX to the patch

Its Thursday evening, I’ve only been able to get him to eat a portion of a bagette with butter on it

The I remember we have pizza from meeting Steve at Bar Bocce earlier in the week

I heat that up, he isn’t interested, as he sits watching the local news station

He gets up and down, moving from this chair to the other, moving to the bed, getting off the bed, fiddling with things in the kitchen, it goes on and on

He seems a bit agitated, confused, unable to relax

I wonder if this is still him getting used to the patch, Corny says that some of her patients when she was practicing experienced a long transition

Its hard to watch him like this, unable to clearly speak in any way that is truly understandable

With the switch to the patch, his ability to speak has gotten even worse

Sometimes, rather than getting frustrated with him, I use a made up language to respond

He sometimes gets into it, we have long non-sensical, somewhat musical conversations that way

The night continued, it was hard to watch him be seemingly agitated

In anticipation of the trip east, the doctor had prescribed a med that could be used to calm him if redirection didn’t work

I wondered if I should try that, to calm him down

I decided that yes, I needed to try it at least once at home before I tried it on the airplane

I couldn’t risk unexpected, unwanted results on the airplane

So I gave him what the doctor said was a low dose

Inside of 30 minutes, he is falling asleep on the chair in the living room

I move a pillow behind his head so he has support

He jerks, slams his legs down, kicks them up, his hands jerk, his face contorts

He is coughing up fluid, not ejecting it, just every few minutes entering into a coughing fit, then stops only to start again in a few minutes

I watch him closely from across the room, trying to sort out if there is anything more I can do to make him comfortable, I give him a blanket

Eventually I go over, touch him, ask him “do you want to go to bed?”

He mutters sounds, but nothing understandable, no action made towards opening his eyes or getting up

I take that as a “no” for now

So I go back to my seat, continue my vigil

He continues to cough, that’s my biggest worry, and jerking

Is it the patch or this new calming med? Whatever it is, things are not going as expected!

I try to get him to go to bed, thinking atleast he could be more comfortable as he tries to sleep

He agrees this time……he gets up, he’s wobbily, shuffling his feet, his eyes hooded

We get almost to the bedroom, the hall is narrow so I no longer can be right beside him like I was, I am in front of him, holding his hand, guiding him towards the bedroom

He stops, falls backwards

OMG! Are you ok? Grunt, undecipherable. I took that as a yes, I am ok

After a few minutes we figured how to get him back to his feet, we got him into bed

I raised his head because he was still coughing, worried he would aspirate on whatever it was that was causing him to cough

I lay down beside him, facing him as he lays on his back, he continues to twitch, cough…….it goes on for some time

I look at him, really look at him, see the man he is now but remember the man he was before, grateful for being able to deeply reflect on that wonderful return trip to Tahiti

As I lay there I also wondered if I was watching him die in that moment

When Dolly, my aunt, died, she had gurgling from her esophogus in those final hours, this didn’t sound horribly different honestly

I am really worried he is going to choke on his own saliva, it truly scared me

I remember we still have in home health care with a 24/7 nurse line till next Tuesday

I get up and call the help line, explain his situation, my concerns about his coughing

She listened, asked questions and confirmed I was doing all I could for him at the moment, as her baby cried in the background

Yes, raising his head was good, it would help him avoid aspiration, tomorrow a call to his prescribing doctor was in order

So I felt better I was doing everything I could, so I laid back down beside him, leaving a light on incase he woke up and was disoriented

Eventually I turned that light off, he was calming down

Eventually I began to hear a light snore, his coughing subsided

Eventually, after he had seemingly settled down, I moved to my bed knowing if his behaviors continued into the next day as he gets used to thee patch, I’d need to have had some sleep

Its now very hard to sleep in the same bed a full night with his twitching and ways he moves in the bed

I usually start in our bed, then after a while I move to my nest in the sunroom

I catch an hour of sleep in the sunroom, then wake up, listening for bumps in the night, get up, take a look into his room

He did get up, he is now sprawled diagonally across the bed, on top of the blankets, so I get a different blanket, lay it on him

His foot has found its way into the middle of the bed rail, so I move his foot, insert a pillow there to help guide his foot away, I don’t want him to get his foot or leg caught in that and fall

We make it through the night somehow, its morning, I make coffee

Eventually he gets up, walks into the kitchen, gives me a hug, mumbling some nonsense

I smile, say uh huh, “do you want some coffee?” to which I get a yes

He is stable on his feet, he seems a bit more with it than last night, maybe the storm has passed

Only time will tell…..

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