We went to the second day club program in town yesterday

Its very clear this ain’t Matt’s thing

In thinking this through, these day clubs are a group activity setting

Matt has always been a bit of a lone wolf

Hiking on Mt Tam with just the dogs, not with a group of people

He and I would go on weekends, but usually, left to his own design, he’d just find the perfect trail for the day and go

So I guess its not surprising that he isn’t taking to these group sessions at this stage

We tried, and I’m not going to push him towards something he “hates” (his words)

Lori suggested it might be time for a 3rd care giving day, I don’t think she is wrong at all

That said, I had some hope that a day club might fill a bit of this gap

So we’ll be moving towards adding a 3rd caregiving day soon, probably getting it fully in place once we get back from VA

I’m going to add evening shifts also to make my attendance at paddling more regular

I was able to go quite a bit since the beginning of the season in March

Debbie covered, Corny covered, Barbara covered, Terri covered, so it worked out most of the time

But now, boo hoo, Debbie is driving back to Colorado

Its been awesome having her so close by, really awesome, so awesome it deserves its own post in due course

They say all good things must come to an end……well, that feels true right now

Barb and Corny both have full schedules in June, so getting more hired help now seems quite natural, makes a good deal of sense

This all leads to the need to change up the support schedule

I am taking a break from trying to fill the coverage need via a live in; the last attempt left me feeling raw and exposed

Nothing bad happened, but it was a set of circumstances that took a lot out of me emotionally so I put a strong hold on moving forward with getting a new candidate for a bit

Right now we have Nora Mondays and Thursdays from 9am to 5pm

Next week we will add Wednesday to her schedule so we have help 3 days per week

Hired Hands is trying to find me someone to cover Monday and Wednesday evenings from 4:30-8:30 so I can paddle

This is all good, its just something that doesn’t manage itself so I think alot about it

With Matt being a lone wolf, its kind of the direction that seems to make the most sense

The other thing I am thinking is adding an “adventure day” to each week

That would be me coming up with a place to go, venture out, like the beach, or exploring an area we haven’t been to in ages, I am thinking Clearlake or a zoo, something not too far, day tripping distance

I realized how far I have come last night when I dialed into my monthly LBD caregiver support group

One of the other participants tried getting respite support for a few hours

He felt weird about it, wasn’t sure what to do, so he concluded maybe it wasn’t working for him

When you are on a journey like we LBD caregiving spouses are, there are not quick, snap the finger fixes

A few hour break, for the first time, doesn’t give enough time to lean into giving true respite

We shared that it takes time to figure out how to detach from the 24/7/365 mental state of being vigilant of our loved one’s movements, activities, needs they can’t quite fully express

It takes time to get there, to get the value of respite because we have to go “through ourselves” to get to the place we really can recharge

Just trying to figure out what WE might want to do with that time, what will make ME happy, what do I want to do

Sometimes after being on this journey for so long, these answers to what we might want can be very very hard to discover

It takes time, deep breathes, attempts, different attempts, thinking, silence, conversation, all of this and maybe more to get there

So I realized how far I had come since January, making moves to get help in, finding things I enjoyed doing, making tweeks to life at the Farm House, taking time to take care of myself

It felt good to share that with my fellow spousal caregiver, my experience

I hope he finds what’s right for he and his wife, it may not be what I chose and that is totally ok, he needs to choose what feels right for them

So……we’re working on this new schedule and in doing so, I am grateful, very grateful, for the team at Hired Hands who has been right there, since day one, bobbing and weaving when things happen, needs change, all that

We have a great village around us, rich, deep, loving, wonderful

Today I choose to be grateful for that and more

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