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We need to sell the Virginia house This is the season, holding on to it through the winter adds a complexity to life we just don’t need or want The house has been so good for us Protected us during Covid with its generous yard Cradled Granny at night during her many visits Allowed us… Read more

Mary and I try to talk every weekend Since 2021, its 2025 now It doesn’t always work out We are in different time zones now We used to be in the same time zone Then she moved to England So we were 5 hours apart I moved to California So we are now 8 hours… Read more

His eyes are glassy now A soft cashew color He looks at me intently, over the dinner table Slightly hooded The hooded look used to be the prelude, warning sign of a bad coming Something I did that upset him Something I didn’t do that upset him An inbound Uncle Lewy gut punch He looks… Read more

I so wish I could put on a virtual reality helmet to experience what Matt feels, sees, thinks, but mostly feels If I understood his reality, it might help me manage my emotions better This is very much a soft tissue injury, no X-ray can see it Nothing yet really explains it, fully There is… Read more

There is this saying, story, about a frog that gets in a pot of cool water The water heats up slowly The frog realizes it’s boiling, she is boiling….it happened so slowly she didn’t realize it I changed the he to a she….I can relate Days come and go, things happen We don’t live a… Read more

I want to go paddle with a local outrigger group. They launch 5:30 pm a couple weekdays. I paddled in VA, it made me feel alive! I so want to do it here. I found a group. But I can’t leave him at night, alone. Its the worst time for him to be alone. I… Read more

The world goes round and round Some of us are suffering Some of us are healthy No one needs to be brought down by our suffering, with our story It’s mostly sadness and loss, mixed with a few rays of sunshine Sunshine in the form of you Small joys come now and again, I try… Read more

Breakfast is our time to talk Family business Decisions that need making Schedule for the day, week Anything of importance we talk about over breakfast This seems to be his clearest time The morning after, I apologized to Matt for getting mad at him Hope had risen in my heart we could go back to… Read more

Yesterday was so wonderful I had my Matt back for the day Holding hands over dinner, talking, ohhhhh such a salve for my wounded heart It didn’t last ling Today he refused to take his meds Now we are back in our old, sad pattern It’s late afternoon He mumbles something incoherent to me I… Read more

The doctor gives it a name, they tell you Lewy Body Dementia is the diagnosis They give you pills with a long name and send you home He uses some big fancy medical words that can’t land in your brain while your head is spinning They say “come back in 6 months”. They don’t even… Read more

We are learning new limits This afternoon we hiked a well worn trail that we have hiked a dozen times before Matt’s boxing class was at 12:30, I swam a mile in a nearby pool That is a new usual for us, finally hitting on something that is good for him, good for me, but… Read more

I was working upstairs in my office My internet stopped working Everything is now in the cloud because we moved, it was the easiest way Matt & I are taking today to rest There have been 2 days where he may have over exerted Matt’s back is hurting, probably from all the moving we did… Read more

His pants and belts are projects now A lot of time is spent fiddling with them Eventually, sometimes, he gives up and lets me pull the button thru the hole, buckle his belt Today, he put his swim suit on backwards. He put his jeans on top. His drawstring for his swimsuit dangles over the… Read more

They were never near before I was a tough girl Emotions were distracting, paralysing I had things to do Tears only got in the way Now, tears fall Maybe one, or two Karen read my blog so far Day 1 of being published She read the whole thing She cried for us She tole me… Read more

If I publish, share these writings in some form There must be white space A lot of it Distractions removed Pages turn slowly Reflection Allowing sensory response, allowing that response to be noticed digested converted to realization whatever that means to the reader Slowing down Focusing on the art of description has been powerful to… Read more

I shower outside I take my robe off and feel the sun caress my back It’s like a golden goddess is saying I love you Rays permenate thru my skin to my soul I want to linger here, in this moment of being loved by the sun The sun understands me The sun does not… Read more

There are a few recurring characters It often starts with: how long before I need to move out? You should be ashamed of yourself! Where is the title to the house? Is his name on it? Our relationship is deteriorating….. There is no special time and place for this It’s just lands like a sucker… Read more

Why is the mustard in the china cabinet? Why is there dog food in the coffee grinder? Why is the bamboo cutting board in the freezer? Where is my favorite kitchen knife? Why is there garbage in the recycling bin, recycling in the garbage bin? Read more

They care They do Some are self starters Some need stimulation, permission They do care They touch the deepest part of my heart They hold my heart in their hands, cradling the most delicate part My eyes fill with water They care They are beautiful Each in a different way A garden of vegtables growing… Read more

Does it matter Matt wears the same clothes day after day? Does it matter that he used to wear shorts as long as possible, now he wears pants in the summer? Does it matter that he spends a good part of the day pulling his pants up and fumbling with his belt? Does it matter… Read more