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It’s hard to say exactly when this journey began We know when we got the diagnosis, when we had enough info to frame questions, make decisions It’s been 20 months since December 2023, almost 2 years Focus has been on processing the news, learning about the disease, planning the road ahead It took all my… Read more

it’s been a few days since my last post Thank you to those of you who checked in We had a nice string of days that we had family with us, so we are trying to settle back into our routine No big drama……which is often the source of a post No big drama….until yesterday,… Read more

Even though Uncle Lewy is in the house, making a mess of our lives Matt is lucky Counting the ways seems therapeautic He has family who move heaven and earth to help him That definitely includes me, I’d realign the stars, sun and moon for him His sisters have been here right along side of… Read more

How do you love parts and pieces of a person? Or how do you love a whole person, but not certain parts and pieces? I want to take an eraser and rub out Uncle Lewy Scrub and scrub Make Uncle Lewy go away Make loving Matt easier Make him loving me easier. Read more

At the moment, I am in a good place Same usual things are present: chair relocated to a strange location, unsure what I will find when I open a cabinet But, in this moment, I have let the frustrations I might have with those annoyances go Its my morning quiet time right now Matt sleeps… Read more

We are under contract to sell the Virginia house now Took longer than average but I guess the right next family wasn’t ready Close isn’t for another 45 days, so we wait We will have one final chance to say goodbye, there is still time So many great memories of family times there This journey… Read more

What was I put on earth to do? Is this it? ok Read more

I sometimes worry about what’s next Then I stop myself Then I worry about what’s next Then I stop myself And so it goes….. Read more

True love is a complex emotion characterized by deep affection, intimacy, and commitment, often involving selfless giving and a desire for well-being of the other person. It encompasses both strong emotional attraction and willingness to nurture, support, and respect the other person, even through challenges. Its good to be reminded of definitions sometimes Go back… Read more

It might be easier sometimes to weald a power of attorney so I can make all the money decisions myself Things like selling the house, paying Matt’s bills, managing his money Its hard for him to do those things now We have had to make some big decisions on selling the house in Virginia I… Read more

I struggle with deciding what is best for Matt sometimes Some of this is because he isn’t exactly the same everyday I am learning that, daily Some is the balance of maintaining as much normalacy as possible Enabling him to do the things that he enjoys For him, that is hiking and other outdoor activities… Read more

Yesterday we met up with friends to paddle board and kayak on the Russian River I have driven by the Russian River so often on the way to Sea Ranch, but never have put in Lois and Mark suggested joining them at a particular beach, that was a gift they gave to us EB was… Read more

I was so angry last night Palpably angry I couldn’t figure out why I journaled and journaled Specifying exactly what odd things Matt was doing didn’t seem to scratch the itch In the stillness of morning, maybe I have come to an understanding I may be mad for more than one reason My mad may… Read more

I am so angry I can’t explain why I can’t control this situation His agitation Getting locked out of the house, constantly, by him I don’t know how long I can take this He wanders today, constantly There is no real, meaningful communication He just mumbles I put my ear right up to his mouth… Read more

Sometimes it feels like I am walking on a tight rope Sometimes I can maintain balance, keep moving forward, slowly, step by step Other times I feel like I am being pushed to my absolute limits and I am going to fall, never to recover Being at risk of falling is enough to drive me… Read more

With Alzheimer’s, the person is often described as being both “here and gone” That makes sense to me, thinking about my experience with Walter Walter definitely went into his own world But then he’d pop out and have a moment of clarity This thing with Matt is different, in a profound way I am reading… Read more

I’ve always held certain concepts of myself in my mind Things like that. Things built on accomplishments. While I readily and willingly accepted the role of being Matt’s wife That didn’t define me Being a wife, his wife, was never about accomplishing anything It was a joining of journeys, a joining of lives 2 relatively… Read more

We have a gate now where we live It completes the fenced in yard that keeps Sheba safe Sheba can go out, do her businsess, manage the squirrels, paw around like a free mut Each time we come and go by car, we have to open the gate, and close it behind us Matt does… Read more

John Legend sings: ’Cause all of me Loves all of you All your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I’ll give my all to you You are my end and my beginning Even when I lose, I am winning ’Cause I give you all of me And… Read more

I learned to tread water young In college, I learned to tread water “egg beater” style, it was a game changer Plus, for reasons I won’t elaborate on, I have natural buoyancy So for me, treading water doesn’t bring up fear or anything negative It’s more of a holding the line kind of thing Staying… Read more