I want to go paddle with a local outrigger group.

They launch 5:30 pm a couple weekdays.

I paddled in VA, it made me feel alive!

I so want to do it here. I found a group.

But I can’t leave him at night, alone.

Its the worst time for him to be alone.

I don’t want to bring strangers into the house.

Someday we may have no choice,

But today isn’t someday, yet.

I used to be more light footed.

I could go as I pleased.

I’d just communicate with Matt and away I went.

I can’t do that now.

The fear of leaving him alone in the evenings when Uncle Lewy has the largest influence is worse than not going.

If I went, left him alone, I’d be worried the whole time and feel so terribly guilty…….

Those times family and friends can hang with him are genuine pure gold.

Its great for him, he gets a break from me.

Its great for me, I get a break from him.

But its always a big ask.

I live this thing with Uncle Lewy,

I have caluses, tools, margins,

This isn’t a normal life.

No one is prepared for this.

Its a tough full time gig.

As long as he isn’t completely consumed with anxiety, a delusion or a hallucination, making it through the evening isn’t too bad.

But if Uncle Lewy starts exhibiting his presence, tools are needed.

The real Matt is still there,

He is just buddied up with a bad Hombre.

For now, I don’t paddle.

For now, his needs are the priority.

Maybe some day we will figure this out.

Things do tend to work out, eventually.