Yesterday was so wonderful

I had my Matt back for the day

Holding hands over dinner, talking, ohhhhh such a salve for my wounded heart

It didn’t last ling

Today he refused to take his meds

Now we are back in our old, sad pattern

It’s late afternoon

He mumbles something incoherent to me

I ask him what he said

Some variation of a mumble, or I forget or putting it on me as being the one who said something

He wanders

He bangs around in the kitchen

I want to reach for wine, bourbon

Whatever will medicate me

We had it back, just yesterday

Maybe it would have been better if that window of hope never opened up

I wouldn’t have emotionally crashed as hard as I did tonight

I won’t reach to self medicate, not tonight

It sucks eggs, this